What to Say?
by Relishb91
Summary: Set 2 months after Sara leaves LV. She hasnt spoken to Grissom since she left him that letter, and now they are both trying to find the right words.


What to say?

A/N: ok, so this was completely random, i just felt like writing something, and i had just watched goodbye and goodluck. Let me know what you think, reviews are a writers best friend

Note to the Writers Guild: GOOD WORK GUYS BUT PLEASE COME BACK OR WE WILL END UP WITH HORRIBLE STORY LINES LIKE THIS ONE...

Disclaimer: Honestly, if I owned csi would I have let the writers write Sara off in such a horrible way? And then take her out of the credits AS SOON as she leaves? I think not!

Summary: Set two months after Sara leaves Vegas. Her and Grissom haven't spoken since she left, and now they are trying to find the right words.

* * *

Sara couldn't believe she actually did it.

She left.

She knew she had to, knew there was things she needed to do, but why?

Why did she have to do them alone?

She knew that she should.

She knew there were things that would happen, stories to relive, that she didn't want to put Grissom through.

But was leaving him, with ought even a proper goodbye, much better?

She knew he understood, knew that he would have gone with her if she had asked, but she couldn't bring herself to burden him with her ghosts.

'It was for the better', she thought to herself, as she sat in a taxi in San Francisco, on her way back to the motel she was staying at after visiting her mother for the past few hours.

That was an enjoyable trip, not.

How do you go up to someone you haven't spoken to in almost a decade, and say, "Oh, hi. I'm, uhhh, back, for a bit, you know, personal stuff, thought I would say hi. Ya, ummm, so, how have you been?"

And that was pretty much how it went. It started as a very awkward conversation. Laura Sidle couldn't believe her ears when she heard she had a visitor.

She was no longer in jail. No, she'd been out for awhile. The jury had taken pity on her, and she had only been in jail for a mere 10 years, but Sara had lost almost all contact with her just before Grissom had asked her to move to Vegas.

Ah yes, Grissom.

The conversation strayed that way, as Sara thought it might. Laura remembered as if it were yesterday, the last proper contact she had had with Sara in years, a letter, telling her that she would be moving to Las Vegas to take up a position at the Vegas Crime lab, along side with Dr. Gil Grissom.

Laura had heard his name come from Sara many times before, in the few years before that letter had arrived.

He was always mentioned casually, but Laura could tell there was something else going on.

So she thought she would ask about him.

"So" she had said. "How is that friend of yours? Grissom was it???" she tossed out casually, yet curiously.

"Oh" Sara was lost for words, how do you explain THAT situation? She shifted nervously inn her chair… "Well, he's… Good." Sara finished, trying to redirect the conversation towards other things, like the reasons she was there in the first place. But Laura wouldn't take that as an answer, so she pressed on.

"Just good? Nothing to report on him besides the fact that he's good? I know you better than that, he is the whole reason you moved to Las Vegas in the first place was he not?" She pressed on, a look of interest and concern on her face.

Sara, though not really wanting to talk about Grissom, liked the fact that she was talking to her mom, about normal things, even if, to Sara, they were not quite as normal as her mom seemed to think.

"Well, actually, he's probably not all that great. I uhhh, haven't really spoken to him in about, well, 2 months to be honest." Sara admitted sadly, looking at the ground.

"Oh, and why not, you to seemed to be good friends." Laura pressed on, wanting to hear more about her daughter's life since the last time she had seen her.

"Well, you see, there was this, thing, that kind of happened." Sara continued, looking nervously around as if afraid someone was listening in, that might care about Sara's personal life.

"What sort of thing?" Laura asked again, trying to keep Sara going, with ought making her angry.

"A promise I made, and broke." Sara continued to beat around the bush, not wanting to just come right out and say it.

"A promise? Well what sort of promise could you have made that would stop you from talking to this man for two whole months?" Laura asked, now really intrigued.

"A promise to marry him." Sara finally blurted out, shocked that she had just said that out loud.

"Marry him??? You're engaged? Let me see the ring!" Laura said excitedly, reaching for Sara's left hand.

Sara held it out, showing her mother the beautiful gold band. It was simple, yet amazing. Small, yet worth more to her than the world.

Laura smiled wide. "Congratulations. Wait. What to you mean you broke that promise? What happened?" She asked her smile fading.

"Well" Sara continued, getting nervous again. "There was a bit of a situation, months ago, before we got engaged. Nothing huge, you know, it comes with the job." She finished casually.

"Sara?"

"Well, there was this, ummm, serial killer, you see, Natalie Davis. And, well, she wanted to get back at Gil. She held him responsible for the death of her foster father. And well, she didn't take it nicely. She sort, kidnapped me, and well, left me to die in the desert." Sara finished quickly, hoping to lessen the impact of her mother hearing she was left to die in the desert if she said it casually.

"And what? This Gil guy took it as his fault and got all distant and stuff after that didn't he?" She said looking angry.

"No, no it was nothing like that. He is amazing; it had nothing to do with him. If anything, the whole situation brought us closer together. It was just that. I realized that, there were just some things I needed to get off my back, other than the car of course, ha." She said, trying to add a little humor to the situation, but still shifting nervously in her chair again in spite of herself.

"CAR??? THERE WAS A CAR?" Laura screamed, unable to keep her cool on the situation anymore. But she quickly caught herself, and calmed back down, though Sara could still hear the anger in her voice, no matter how much it was trying to be disguised.

"Yes, car, I was under a car. The psycho put me under a car, in the middle of a desert, and left me to die, ok? Its over, and I don't really want to talk about it anymore." Sara exclaimed, getting annoyed, but understanding at the same time Laura's situation, and knew that she would have freaked out much more if she had heard that her daughter was kidnapped and placed under a car into the middle of the desert and left for dead for no sufficient reasons, other than revenge on her boyfriend.

"So, why did you leave him? He proposed, it sounds like he really loved you. Why did you leave?" Laura asked, trying to calm her voice as much as possible.

"well, it was complicated, like I said, there was some things I had to do, and I didn't want to rest my burden on his shoulders, he's done so much for me already, I didn't want him to be there, when I finally broke down." Sara said sadly. Looking anywhere but in Laura's eyes.

"Well, Sara, I think that if he really loves you, he would want to share your burden, and he wouldn't want you to go thought something like this alone. This doesn't have to be only your burden. If you try and deal with it, alone, then you are going to end up worse then when you started. I think that he would have wanted to help you through it. What did he say when you told him you were leaving?" She asked. Her voice was calm and soothing, and curious once more.

"Well, ummm, that's another reason I haven't spoken to him since I left. I thought, at the time, it would be better, I mean, I couldn't stand to see the look of hurt in his eyes, so, I left him a letter. I had to do it, telling him to his face he wouldn't have let me leave, and I had to leave. Not him, just there. And now, I can't call him. I don't know what to say, I am scared that he will be angry with me, but the longer I wait, the more hurt I know he is becoming. But I mean, what do I say? 'Oh, hi, umm, ya, remember me? Your fiancé? The woman who broke your heart 2 months ago that hasn't contacted you since?'"

Sara took a big gulp of air. Tears stinging her eyes. Trying her hardest to fight them back she continued. "I just, don't know how he will take it, if I just try and call him, out of the blue, after not even giving him a proper explanation for why I left with ought saying a proper goodbye."

"Sara," Laura looked into Sara's eyes, studying the pain that she could see within them. She thought over what she was going to say carefully before she continued. "I think, that, he will understand. It sounds like he loves you very much, and yes, he may be hurt, and he has the right to be hurt, but you are hurting him more by not talking to him. If he doesn't understand, then he is not right for you, but you know what, I never saw you happier than after you met him, and now, sorry Hun but you are a wreck. I think that if anyone can help you through this, it's not me, its Gil. He is the one who knows you best, he loves you and he will be there for you. I love you to, but there is only so much I can do for you, he, he can help you every step of the way." Laura finished her cheesy speech, hoping that Sara understood what she was trying to say.

Sara looked back at her mother, realizing that she was right. She had to talk to Grissom again. She thought that she was protecting him, but she knew now, that all she was doing was trying to protect herself from the fact that she didn't really want to do this with ought him, even though she said she did. She thought that she was leaving the letter to spare his feelings, but all it was doing was helping her hide from his eyes, the eyes she loved so much, that could read into her soul, no matter how much she wanted to hide what was in there. Grissom was her only real hope on getting through this, and she knew that now.

Sara thanked Laura for her help, and gave her a hug before saying goodbye and heading towards the door.

So here she was in the cab, thinking over all the words her mother had said to her, and how much sense they all made.

She was right.

Sara didn't have to do this alone.

She knew Gil wouldn't care if Sara broke down in his arms, or if she was gone for longer than thought, but she knew that he would want to at least speak to her, and that he didn't want her to have to go through this on her own.

Even if Grissom wouldn't come with her, and she still wasn't sure she wanted him to, she knew that he would want to know how she was doing every day, and she knew that she needed to hear his voice. She knew that just his voice, had enough power to calm her, relax her, and make her feel safe.

Now the only problem was, what to say?

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

Grissom was lying on his couch, with Hank laying on the carpet beside him.

They seemed to sigh simultaneously.

It hadn't been the same since Sara left.

The house had felt so empty. Grissom was getting so used to waking up to her smiling face every morning, and now, there was just a big empty space to greet him.

The house was always so quiet, if it weren't for Catherine calling him every evening to make sure he got out of bed, he would probably just stay there all night.

He contemplated going to San Francisco so many times, or at least calling Sara. But what would he say?

"Hey Sara, remember me, the guy whose heart you broke? You know, your fiancé?"

No, he wouldn't say that, he wouldn't even let that be more than a sour thought in the back of his mind, no, what else could there be said?

"Hey, Sara, ummmm, hi. I know you don't want to talk to me, and that you need to be alone, and well, you have things you need to do, but, I need you. I am broken with ought you. I love you, and life is not worth living with ought you to live it for."

Well that seemed to be more like what he would want to say to her, but he knew he never could. If she hadn't called yet, she wasn't ready, and he didn't want to distract her, or make her feel she had to come home for him.

And he restrained himself every day from making that trip to San Francisco. He knew he probably wouldn't be welcome there, not until she was ready for him to come.

But how long did she need?

He at first figured, maybe a few weeks, but that turned into a month, which turned into two.

And now, he sat there, every night, trying to decide if he should call her or not.

He picked up the phone, started to dial her number, then put it back down quickly.

He tried again, this time, it rang once before he slammed it back on the receiver.

Again, the questions came up. What to say?

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

Sara made it back to her hotel, and headed straight to her phone. She had been thinking the whole cab ride on what to say, and she was gonna do it

She had to do it.

She needed to hear his voice.

Even if she just got his machine.

Which she silently hoped she would.

She didn't want to hear the hurt in his voice.

'Ok, now or never' she thought to herself.

'never sounds better!'

The thought crept across her mind, but she ignored it with all her might, and dialed her and Grissoms home phone number.

It was now late in the evening, and Grissom should be up and getting ready for work around now.

The phone rang, and rang, but there was no answer.

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

Grissoms phone was ringing, but he ignored it, he was sure it was Catherine, making her daily call to make sure Grissom was getting up.

He lay in his bed and rolled over to stare at the phone, still ringing on his bed side table.

But the number on the call display wasn't Catherine's at all.

It was a completely different area code.

San Francisco's area code.

"SHIT" Grissom yelled as he dove for the phone.

He picked it up just in time to hear the click of the phone being put down on the other end.

He yelled Sara's name into the phone, but he knew it was pointless, that she had hung up.

He quickly pounded his fingers into the numbers dialing her hotel.

In his haste he dialed the wrong number 3 times.

"SHIT!!! Don't leave Sara. I'm calling, stay in your room!!!" He yelled at the phone.

He finally got the right number, and he sat there listening to the phone ring on the other end.

But she didn't pick up.

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

He didn't pick up.

But he was always home at this time.

Well, maybe he had gone in to work early.

Sara got up and left the room with a towel and her swim suit thrown over her arm, intending to get in a few laps at the pool before she went to bed.

She would try him again tomorrow.

Just as Sara left the room and started to walk down the hall, a call was put through to her room, but she was to far away to hear it now, and the phone rang till the desk clerk picked it up downstairs again, apologizing and stating that Sara must not be in her room.

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

Grissom returned to work again that night, a bit late, but there none the less.

He figured that Sara hadn't picked up for a reason, and that if she still wanted to talk to him, she would call him again.

Apparently his face mirrored the sadness in his heart, because after seeing him Catherine went straight into his office and shut the door behind herself.

"What happened?" She asked before he could even say anything about her sudden appearance in his office.

"What do you mean?" Grissom decided to play it stupid, Catherine was a great investigator, but he wasn't sure how much she could tell from his face. So he decided to find out what she was after before telling her everything.

"You know what I mean Gil. You were doing great. You were coming to work on time, and there wasn't this look of complete loss and despair on your face. What happened? Did you talk to Sara?" She finished her interrogation with a piercing stare that, if looks could kill…

"Not exactly. Now I would appreciate to be left alone if you don't mind." He stated flatly.

"Fine." Catherine huffed, sounding slightly hurt, as she turned on her heel, opened his door, and let herself out.

Grissom sighed and turned to the massive stack of papers sitting on his desk.

It was a slow night in Las Vegas, so Grissom had the joy of paperwork to keep him company. But every time he tried to work, Sara kept sliding across his mind like a soft winters wind, and he couldn't concentrate for a good while whenever this happened.

She had called him.

Sara, had called, and he missed the damn call because he was too depressed to pick up the damn phone.

He wouldn't let it happen again.

He would go home on time, and he would sit by the phone all day if he had to.

That's exactly what he would do.

But why wait till the morning? There was no way he was going to get any work done anyway.

Grissom shut the folder he had been staring at for the past hour, stood up and walked around his desk, and grabbed his jacket before leaving his office.

Grissom passed Greg in the halls on his way to his car.

"Night Greg" Grissom said as he passed him in the hall. But again, Greg flat out ignored him.

Grissom knew that Sara and Greg were close. She had always been there for him when he needed her, and vice versa. Grissom suspected that Greg blamed him for Sara's departure, but they didn't know the whole story, none of them did, and he wasn't about to tell them. That was Sara's business, and if she wanted to tell them why she left, she would have.

Grissom returned to his town house and settled down in front of the TV, scratching Hank behind the ears with one hand, and the other, firmly wrapped around the phone.

Again, he considered calling Sara, but it was 3 in the morning, and he was sure she would not welcome the wakening. And then what, after he wakes her? What does he say?

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

Sara laid awake on her hotel bed. She had been staying at this hotel nearly two weeks now, and still had trouble sleeping in its beds. Probably because she knew, if she pulled out an ALS, that she would NOT want to see what shone, or else because she could still not stand the thought of waking up with no Grissom by her side, waiting to brush the hair out of her eyes.

She rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. It was still only 3 AM. Grissom would still be at work, and he probably wouldn't welcome the disturbance, if he was even in his office that is. He was probably out, in the field somewhere, not thinking about her at all.

And so she laid there, watching the time tick by, waiting till Grissom would be home so she could try again to call him. Nervousness and excitement arose in her. she knew this would be hard, but she never expected to be this nervous over calling him. Every day that had passed by seemed to have made it harder to pick up the phone.

6 o'clock finally rolled around, and Sara knew that Grissom should be home by now, as shift let out at 5.

She picked up the phone again, and dialed, trying to calm herself.

She had planned the whole conversation. She was going to say what she wanted to say, hear his voice, then say good night. She wanted to work it in slowly, talking to him again. She didn't want to just jump out at him, after 2 months, and get him angry at her.

And so, with the plan in mind, she finished dialing her phone, and listened to it ring.

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

Grissom heard it.

He was In a very light sleep, but he had been waiting for the phone to ring, waiting and hoping against hope, that she would call again.

His eyes opened with a snap and he quickly answered the phone.

"Hello?" he could tell his voice was full of excitement, and it was obvious, but it didn't matter to him, he had expected that.

But what he didn't expect, was what he heard next.

A sob broke through the phone, and seemed to dig right into his own heart. It was painful, the strongest woman he had ever known, was crying, and he wasn't there to comfort her.

"Sara?" He asked quietly into the phone, not wanting her to hang up.

He heard a sniff as Sara seemed to grab hold of herself.

"Hi" was all that she could get out. After her big plan, and all the waiting, she couldn't do it, she couldn't hold it back any longer, and she just sat there, and cried into the phone for a good few minutes.

Grissom didn't say anything over this time. He knew that she just need to get it out of her system.

"Honey?" he asked when the last sob escaped her lips.

"Im here" she whispered. "Oh Gil, im so sorry, I tried to call you so many times, but I didn't know what to say to you. Im so sorry. I miss you so much."

"Sara?" Grissoms voice cracked as he held back his own tears. "I know, believe me i know, i am so sorry to, i didn't know if i should call or not, didn't know if you wanted me to, im sorry i didn't call. I found the number you left for me on the kitchen counter but i didn't know if you really wanted me to call."

They talked for what seemed ages, yet at the same time, no time at all. Sara told him about what she was doing in San Francisco, about her mother, about her progress, and she asked Grissom about the team, about the dog, about him, if he was ok, if he was mad...

When they finally hung up the phone, 4 hours later, after more tears, and, surprisingly, laughs, Grissom promised to call Sara's hotel every night. If she didn't want to talk, she didn't have to answer, but if she did, there was the chance to do so, and no more worry about trying to find what to say...

END

* * *

A/N: ok, so i would really like to know what you guys think of the story, reviews really help me try again, and out of 800 hits on my last story, i only got 2 reviews, so lets see if we can beat that,

THANKS PEOPLE


End file.
